Those of you who know me can confirm that my superpower is finding humor in the most unlikely of places. (It actually runs in my family. It is most likely genetic and is least likely to have come from the stoic, Norwegian side.)
- Must be able to discern whether a person is wearing underwear.
- When in doubt, must be willing to question strangers regarding said wearing of underwear, e.g., “Excuse me, ma’am, are you wearing a bra?”
- Must be able to discern the shape of all manner of genitals.
- Must be willing to question strangers regarding said exposure of genitals, e.g., “Excuse me, sir, but are those your genitals I see?”
- Must be knowledgeable about religious and medical headgear.
- Must be willing to question strangers regarding wearing said headgear, e.g., “Excuse me, sir, but do you have a religious or a medical reason for wearing that Dallas Cowboys hat?”
- Must be knowledgeable about human anatomy.
- Must be willing to question strangers regarding viewing of said anatomy, e.g., “Excuse me, miss, but is that your patella I see?”
I could go on, but I won’t. (You’re welcome.)
And lest you wonder, these are only the dress code rules. There are a total of four pages of rules. Including: “NO GUM AT ALL!” To be fair, that rule didn’t actually make it onto the four pages of rules. It was handwritten at the bottom of the page, courtesy of the Video Visitation Supervisor.
Better add another qualification to the above list: Must be able to invent new rules on the fly.